Demons in my bathroom
So I had my first spider experience here in England. In fact, it was my first spider experience in quite a while... possibly for more than 4 months.
I was getting ready to take a shower, and I do all the usual, take my shirt off and then go halfway in and reach to turn the water on. Come out, prepare everything for my afterbath, then I take my shorts off and stuff, and I'm about to go in when I notice something odd in the shower curtain. It moved? Nah, just the water. No, wait, there's something that doesn't belong there...
...Yes there is! There's a fucking spider there! Not the biggest one ever (the biggest and most frightening one will always be the one in Mr. Leonard's class), but its legs were bloody long. I immediatly pull away and then freeze. Think. Gotta kill it. How? It's a shower curtain, I can't throw anything else it'll come attack me. Hmm... think. Wait, it moves to the other side of the curtain... damn.
Right, so what's my plan? Just push the curtain towards the water and hope it drowns. Not the smartest, but what do you expect an arachnophobe like myself to do? So I do that for like 20 mins, not exagerating, to make sure it dies, while at the same time looking very carefully to make sure it doesn't just come out and attack me. By the time I finish with the job I'm genuinely shaking with fear. But it must be dead now, no spider is water proof (for the exception of those that are, but you don't find those in your bathroom). So it takes me 5 minutes to gather up enough courage to go in the shower. Slowly at first but then I decide to do it fast in case the creature of satan is still alive. I look around quickly and see nothing... yes! It's dead! Then look around again to make sure and it's there on the extreme right of the curtain staring at me. A rush of panic hits me. What the fuck am I supposed to do when I'm trapped in the smallest shower in the world with a big spider looking evily at me? First idea I get: quickly swing the curtain to the right and smash it with my soap holder. I'm proud to say I was brave enough to actually do that... so I hit it from top to bottom over and over again for at least 10 minutes (although I'm pretty sure I went on for more than 15 mins, but I don't know... didn't have a watch, and even if I did I wouldn't be checking it and risking the freedom of the freak) and finally stop. It MUST be dead by now. But it did survive the water... but I've been hammering it for a while, it can't take that much, can it?
Well, I didn't feel like risking it. I took one of the quickest showers of my life, with the curtain open and the door open (I had left it open in case something happened to my my flatmates could find me). After that ridiculously quick shower, I dash out of there, all wet and clumsily dry myself (while freezing to death) and put on my boxers to just run to my room. I stay there for a while, shaking with fear (and cold).
A very bad, traumatic if you like, experience. I'm shivering as I write this, and I couldn't shower for two days just because I couldn't bring myself to go in the bathroom again (to make it clear, our bathroom is divided in two: the actual bathroom and then sinks and a toilet). For the next few days I showered with the curtain partially open, and very careful to check everywhere for monsters. Even now, relatively a long time after it happened, I don't stretch the curtain completely just in case... I know it won't be there, but I might find the remains, who knows. I'm positive that the lady cleans that, but I don't want to take any risks. Yes, that's how arachnophobic I am.
I was getting ready to take a shower, and I do all the usual, take my shirt off and then go halfway in and reach to turn the water on. Come out, prepare everything for my afterbath, then I take my shorts off and stuff, and I'm about to go in when I notice something odd in the shower curtain. It moved? Nah, just the water. No, wait, there's something that doesn't belong there...
...Yes there is! There's a fucking spider there! Not the biggest one ever (the biggest and most frightening one will always be the one in Mr. Leonard's class), but its legs were bloody long. I immediatly pull away and then freeze. Think. Gotta kill it. How? It's a shower curtain, I can't throw anything else it'll come attack me. Hmm... think. Wait, it moves to the other side of the curtain... damn.
Right, so what's my plan? Just push the curtain towards the water and hope it drowns. Not the smartest, but what do you expect an arachnophobe like myself to do? So I do that for like 20 mins, not exagerating, to make sure it dies, while at the same time looking very carefully to make sure it doesn't just come out and attack me. By the time I finish with the job I'm genuinely shaking with fear. But it must be dead now, no spider is water proof (for the exception of those that are, but you don't find those in your bathroom). So it takes me 5 minutes to gather up enough courage to go in the shower. Slowly at first but then I decide to do it fast in case the creature of satan is still alive. I look around quickly and see nothing... yes! It's dead! Then look around again to make sure and it's there on the extreme right of the curtain staring at me. A rush of panic hits me. What the fuck am I supposed to do when I'm trapped in the smallest shower in the world with a big spider looking evily at me? First idea I get: quickly swing the curtain to the right and smash it with my soap holder. I'm proud to say I was brave enough to actually do that... so I hit it from top to bottom over and over again for at least 10 minutes (although I'm pretty sure I went on for more than 15 mins, but I don't know... didn't have a watch, and even if I did I wouldn't be checking it and risking the freedom of the freak) and finally stop. It MUST be dead by now. But it did survive the water... but I've been hammering it for a while, it can't take that much, can it?
Well, I didn't feel like risking it. I took one of the quickest showers of my life, with the curtain open and the door open (I had left it open in case something happened to my my flatmates could find me). After that ridiculously quick shower, I dash out of there, all wet and clumsily dry myself (while freezing to death) and put on my boxers to just run to my room. I stay there for a while, shaking with fear (and cold).
A very bad, traumatic if you like, experience. I'm shivering as I write this, and I couldn't shower for two days just because I couldn't bring myself to go in the bathroom again (to make it clear, our bathroom is divided in two: the actual bathroom and then sinks and a toilet). For the next few days I showered with the curtain partially open, and very careful to check everywhere for monsters. Even now, relatively a long time after it happened, I don't stretch the curtain completely just in case... I know it won't be there, but I might find the remains, who knows. I'm positive that the lady cleans that, but I don't want to take any risks. Yes, that's how arachnophobic I am.
posted by Jimmie | 4:49 AM
2 Comments:
loooooooooool
i had to stop reading halfway cuz i couldn't contain my laughter.. i'm afraid i would've wakened my 'mates up.. fucking histerical
so my girlfriend and i definitely woke up my roommate (his door opened right after we finished laughing...)
she thinks you're a freak. a dirty freak. i beg to differ... ocassionally. you're just dirty.
ps-that was her. and me.
i love you man
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