The Black Star

A blog dedicated to the series of unfortunate events that always happen around me. Not so much unfortunate, more like funny.. but unfortunate sounds better.

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Thursday, April 26, 2007

London Chronicles

So I thought I'd pick on my girlfriend on this entry, just because she's been complaining that I never write about her. Well, now she'll be sorry for saying that.

We went to London for three days during the Easter, in case you weren't aware. We stayed in a Travelodge that was about five minutes from King's Cross station, so it was very convenient. So we're on our way back to King's Cross to catch the tube and there's a pedestrian crossing. Becca dares not to cross the road unless the green man is on. The green man was missing this time, but there were no visible vehicles for miles on end. I tell her to cross. She refuses. I ask her again. She refuses again. And then much to my amazement this handicapped man crosses the road in front of us. And guess what, he didn't get hit by any vehicles! That was just shameful, and she knew it. I think that's perhaps one of the worst thing that can happen to a non-handicapped person... other than wearing inflatable underwear.

Later on we were talking about stuff over a meal, and the subject of genetics came up. I'm not sure what exactly it was that we were discussing, but it was dominant or recessive related. She says "well, you could have the dominant gene and not get {insert condition here}... wait, no..." but by then I had already picked her up on it. It must be very shitty to be a dominant gene yet be overridden by a recessive gene...

Tuesday, April 17, 2007

Return of the Typist

So I was writing an essay for university when I noticed that my written English had gone down the crapper. It was that awful. Given that I'm doing computing, I don't write essays much (although all the documentation for CSC2005 might say otherwise). I'm going to start writing regularly here, I'm not sure what about, but I'll write something. I can't keep on lowering my standards. Also, I'll unsubscribe this blog from the Facebook importer in order to be able to write some significant stuff without having the whole world knowing about it. (See what I'm talking about? I can't even piece sentences together.)

Anyway, this will be it for today, just a warning. Oh, and I don't like it that I've had to start a new account with Blogger just because they've decided they want everyone to upgrade. Oh well, not much I can do. Although, I will be working towards writing my own blog and then maybe hosting it on my uni account. Who knows what the tide will bring?

Saturday, December 16, 2006


So Jimmy and I were talking about nothing as usual, and this very interesting concept came up. We wondered how Gillette's profits would be enhanced if they marketed to a new segment. What if Gillette was to market its razor blades (perhaps with some minor changes) to emos? I mean, there's a potentially big untapped market there. And with the new five blade razor (Fusion) the emos would be sorted! Pleasure (or relief, whatever) of five in only one slice! Jimmy pointed out that emos would grow more resistant as time went on, so well, we'll have to see six and seven blade razors marketed towards them, but they'll slit that wrist when they come to it.

So we're at HMV a few days later picking out presents for Jimmy's parents, and I see the new My Chemical Romance and tell Jimmy I'll buy it for him (he's been thinking of turning emo recently... and yes, I know, My Chemical Crapness aren't really emo, but whatever, just go along for the fun of it) and he says he's not sure. And then the best idea came to me. What if emo albums were sold with razors? Now that's a strategy, I believe! "This album is razor-inclusive. Try the new Gillette Fusion for free!" That would definitely sell.

Note: If you're emo I apologise--please don't cut yourselves or cry over this, it's mostly a joke. And don't write any hate poetry either!!

Thursday, November 23, 2006

Going back in time & Geremi

So I had a 9 o'clock lecture yesterday. As I've posted before, I dislike 9's not only because of the earliness, but because of the coldness that strikes me as soon as I climb out of my duck-feathered duvet.

Anyway, I set my alarm for 7:30, which I thought was very sensible. So it goes off and I stop it and climb out. I go to the bathroom and take care of some business before I make it back to my room. As I'm used to, I turn on my computer to check emails (computing student anyone?) and notice that the clock on my laptop says 9:30. That seemed a bit odd. I then checked my watch and it concurred with the computer. At this point, I'm sort of having a mini mental breakdown. So I check my other watch and my mobile only to find that they're all siding with the computer. Bloody hell, why is my alarm clock's time two hours behind every other time-telling device? It did wake me up on time on Monday, so I can't see how all of a sudden it's two hours behind (and exactly two hours, not two hours and 40 minutes when you might assume the battery is faltering or something).

No problem then, I'll just make it to my meeting at 11 then, and Jimmy will brief me on what went on in the lecture when he gets back. So I make breakfast and am eating when I hear a door open. I look and it's Jimmy... what the hell!? Well, he conveniently forgot we had a lecture at 9. So it's not that bad, Matt can still brief us later on. When I meet with him at 11 for that team meeting it turns out he work up in time but couldn't be bothered going. Great stuff. So what happened in that lecture, I'll never know. And what happened to my alarm clock, I better find out! I just know that I've lost all faith on that alarm clock and now have to rely on my mobile until I get a new alarm clock.

In other news, did anyone see an interview with Geremi on Match of the Day? When asked about the stunning free kick he scored, he said "well, Drogba got fouled (read: took a dive) and we got a free kick. I asked Michael (Ballack) and Frank (Lampard) if I could take it and they let me. Then I kicked it and it went in and now I'm happy." Great stuff.

Wednesday, November 22, 2006

Leazes Park dude

So the most surreal thing happened to me a few weeks ago. I was talking to Jimmy and he told me about a time last year when he was walking back to Castle Leazes Halls through the park and he passed by a guy who called out "you alreet?" Jimmy decided to ignore the guy and make a dash towards the entrance of the halls. Then the guy got pissed off at Jimmy for being so rude and snapped at him about how students suck and should all suffer horrible deaths (in perhaps not so many words).

The day after I was walking that same park and I see this bloke that's walking in the other direction. As our paths meet, I hear an indistinguishable "alreet?" I didn't have too much to think, but I decided to respond to him the same way but in English: "Alright?" That seemed to be good enough for him and he peacefully kept skipping past me (or walking, whatever...).

Then when I told Jimmy about that I was asked to describe the dude. I gave him a more or less detailed description of the bloke (that coming from me is a very bad description, but I try) and apparently there's a good chance it might have been the same guy. What are the odds? We've been thinking of sending Vadim on a journey through Leazes Park to see if we make it a hat-trick of encounters.

Tuesday, November 21, 2006

Striking glass

So I was walking quite fast towards the Metro station in order to get to in time. That's not an uncommon thing for me to do, but this time something new happened. As I was approaching the end of the pavement, there was a broken glass bottle on the road. I decided I'd just kick part of the bottle for the fun of it (only a medium sized piece) and kind of dribble along until I lost possession (can you tell I'm back on FM?). So I start dribbling it, and then I get this marvellous idea of kicking it lightly... and I do so kicking it towards the ground first. Unsurprisingly the glass skids off the road and takes quite a high altitude (considering it's a lifeless piece of glass I kicked in a downward motion). Next thing I know that piece of glass had struck the front side of a parked car. You know me, I just tried to play it cool (but if you know me the you know I can't play it cool) but I saw this lady that had seen me hit the car. What's my reaction? Speed up and leave her behind... that way I couldn't see her judging me.

Thursday, November 16, 2006

Jimmy's moments

So I watched Borat yesterday. It was a pretty good "movie film", but I just have to warn you that there's one scene that will scar you for life and beyond. If you've seen it then you know exactly what I mean... I shake at the thought of it right now. But if you think you're strong enough to handle that then you really should go see it... it's so politically incorrect that it's awesome.

When we were leaving to watch the film, though, Jimmy asked me to ring his mobile because he couldn't find it. So as the good friend and flatmate that I am, I ring his mobile. Much to his surprise, his phone starts ringing in his pocket. "Oh, I had it in the wrong pocket!" was his pathetic excuse... but I thought it was well funny. And that, my friends, is why you check your pockets for stuff before you make other people go out of their way to help you out. Oh, yeah, and he almost lost his wallet on the way out from the cinema. Absolute retard ;-)

Later on yesterday we were discussing relationships and breakups. We agreed that the worst possible way to break up with someone wouldn't be an email as I first thought, there's actually a worst way! Text them! ("hey how r u? btw, we r thru")