To Say the Least

So I had a very peculiar day. I really couldn't come up with a title for this entry because so many unrelated things happened. This will be a very long entry, so I've decided to highlight the main topic of each adventure so you can read what you want and skip what you don't want. Aren't I nice?

It's about 4pm and I'm just going about my own business (probably listening to music, can't recall) and I get a call from Ercole. What does he want? He was interviewing a model and he needed questions, and he was asking me for them. I seriously don't know what I would ask a model... I think I wouldn't be interested in asking her any questions at all. After all, models are for looking at, not asking, right? Anyway, what's the sense in asking an 18 year old guy to ask a model questions? You know better than that! The only questions an 18 year old can ask (or is interested in asking, anyway) are 1.) "so, are those real?" 2.) "do you have any hidden piercings?" 3.) "can I buy you a drink?" I don't think any of those would be acceptable questions for a magazine interview (unless, of course, she's a Playboy ""model""). Actually, I think those questions are not exclusively reserved for teenagers. I was chatting with Ercole's cousin at the time (who had just turned 20 that day) and he pretty much told me to tell him to ask him those same questions (or similar).

As I was chatting with Pedro (Ercole's cousin), his birthday party came up and I was invited. With nothing further to do, I accepted to go (although I forgot that I had already accepted an invitation from another friend to go to another party... but well, what can you do?). So we go (Ercole gave me the ride) and when we get there I notice he's getting friendly with this girl (who's not bad looking at all). So when he's done, I ask him who that girl was and he tells me it's his cousins girlfriend. So as it turns out he was hitting on his cousin's girlfriend... but like his uncle said, "if she's dating one in the family you can share" (note: does not necessarily represent the author's opinion).

While we were all having a friendly chat about technology in the living room, this guy with five names (the one I remember is Francesco) comes over and starts to speak Italian. Meanwhile, he's alternating between beer and gin. So he starts this debate with Ercole's uncle on whether he's gay or not (he said he wasn't, although many people including myself think otherwise) or something similar, I don't speak Italian I just understand a bit. So they have this heated debate which later ended with an expressive "vafanculo!" You could tell he wasn't well, and he would later go on to break a bottle, cutting his finger in the process. Not that that would stop him from further drinking and exhibitionism...

So Pedro disappears with two other girls, leaving his girlfriend behind. She gets understandably upset, although she was also over reacting (as you'd expect from a girl). So, right at that moment, all the girls unite, it was amazing. And what are they talking about? Ways to castrate the poor guy, even though they have no clue what's happened to him. He might be locked in the trunk of a car on the way to Caracas for all they know. I'm telling you, if you ever need to take over something, say a property (lets assume you're not Chavista (I hope I don't go to jail for saying that)) your best bet it to unite women and they most certainly will be successful. Ercole would later find out that if you don't do what they ask you will be in some serious shit (they staged a coup while in his car and took him for a drive... if you know what I mean). I'm not sure what went on in that car, but I knew they had assumed control when I received a call from Ercole and there was reggaeton in the background (he agrees with me on reggaeton). Right after I had noticed he uttered "the girls have staged a coup d'etat... I won't be back anytime soon." So it was...

When they finally made it back I approached Ercole who was still in his car, shouted "blasphemy!" for putting that crap on his car, and then asked him if he had gotten lucky (although to be honest, three of the four girls were ugly... so unless he had scored with Pedro's girlfriend it would've been more like "unlucky"). He never fully responded my question, but I did let him know that if he was planning a move for his cousin's girlfriend it was now or never because she was vulnerable. No, I'm not always such a bastard... oh, what the hell, who am I kidding... Anyway, he didn't make his move, so now he's stuck with the missus in France. But seriously, I'm not always such a bastard.

Then we all go out to eat (at 1 in the morning and fitting 7 people in a Clio) at the Mansion de la Arepa (or Drunkard's Paradise as it's open 24 hours). Nothing much happened there, for the exception of the girls making fun of me because I refused to speak in Spanish.

On our way back, though, this girl gets a call from her mom. Turns out there's some guy laying on the lawn in front of her house. So we go there to check it out. It turns out it was one of the guys that was at Pedro's party previously, he managed to walk all the way to the girls house, walk in through the open gate (that's right, OPEN) and just fall asleep there. He would claim that he was beat up by some bloke trying to take away his phone, but we all knew that he was just going through a proper "borrachera." Ercole then had to drive the drunkard home. Had I been him, I would've driven to the nearest bridge and then thrown him overboard... not that he would've noticed.

I finally made it home at 3am. Right when I was going to get out of the car, Ercole told me that he had gotten the model's number and that she was clubbing... maybe we could join her. We think about if for a moment, we might actually go clubbing with this model and then who knows? Weirder things have happened. Then we realize: Ercole's 13 year old brother is in the car. That was the end of that dream.