Tea in the Sahara

So I managed to emerge from a seminar with dignity not having read the chapter I was supposed to. I managed to bullshit my way through a discussion (the girl I was with (who happens to be fit as fuck) didn't know much either, so it was all up to me) and get a "well, that's a very interesting way of puttin it." As I've always said, the key is to sound confident and to use so many analogies and crap that people just drift off and then when you're done they just say "well done" because they weren't listening to you. Ah... still got it.

I was walking back from the seminar, all happy and all, and I see this flyer saying "The Nightline needs you!" The Nightline is this telephone line that operates in the night (ha!) and counsels people... you know, stop them from committing suicide and what not. I started to imagine myself working there:

Caller: I just feel so... empty...
Me: Some food might help.
Caller: Yes... but things haven't been the same since she left me. It's like I have a hole in my soul.
Me: Don't be so dramatic. There are plenty of fish in the sea... and women too.
Caller: I will never be able to love a girl again.
Me: Love is only a chemical reaction in your brain. I'm sure some drug will help you.
Caller: It's not just that, she made me feel alive...
Me: Aja
Caller: She made me feel like I was worth something...
Me: Aja
Caller: She was the best thing in my life...
Me:...Oh, yeah, right on.
Caller: I just lost the single most important thing in my life! Now it's useless... there's no use now!
Me: And what are you going to do about it?
Caller: ... I don't know, I'm not thinking clearly...
Me: You're not thinking about suiciding yourself, hahaha, sorry, killing yourself, are you?
Caller:... I don't know, maybe... It's all so dark now, I might as well end this misery.
Me: End... yes. Well, if you want some constructive advice, the best way to get to the bridge is by taking the 68 bus, it'll get you there in no time.
Caller: ...Uhm... well... I don't know...
Me: Oh, come on... don't be a wank, just do it.
Caller: ... But...
Me: Well, I've had enough of you. Remember, bus 68. Make sure you aim right, you don't want to miss. Fuck off now, go on.