Road Trippin'

So we pulled it off. However, I won't be able to tell you what it was because we will certainly get in trouble if people find out. All I'll tell you is that it's not something many people will do, and it reopens the debate of "brave or stupid?". However, I'll recount some of our experiences.

You know how some people say that rock is a bad influence for young people and stuff (I don't know if they say that anymore, but I heard it from someone)? I just scoffed at that, how can rock be a bad influence? Just because rockstars drink their brains out, get laid with possibly all their fanbase and use drugs as aliment? Well, Reggaeton is a much worse influence, honest. Not because the reggaetoneros go around shaggin' and boozin' but because of what their "music" does to people. Yesteday we were at a disco where they actually had decent music, and then the bloody reggaeton starts. We had to endure 7 full days of that noise at Punta Cana, I believe I came back with some brain damage.

Anyway, it starts and people start dancing very closely... then closer... and closer. How much closer can you get? Apparently very. I'm not kidding here, they were pretty much going through a sex position simulation. There was that position with the guy sitting down, then there was another similar one, then there was doggie... and then there was one both on the floor (that's right, they were lying on the floor on top of each other in the middle of the disco)! It was the most obscene thing I've ever seen! Nothing can beat that... oh, wait, there is something. A sixsome! Where? In the same disco! Another situation of "dry humping"... I don't know what position that would be (probably because I had never seen a sixsome before... or even thought about it!) but I guess you could call it "el trencito." You know what? It must suck for the guy if he's not getting any! So as you see, it's really bad for your kids to listen to Led Zeppelin...

On another note, have you noticed that the best music to listen to when drunk is reggae? Must be because aside from feeling drunk, you can almost feel high while listening to those beats. Yeah, it's cheaper than getting the drug. It's also better for your health, I would think. So all you druggies out there, stop buying Colombia's major export and just buy a Bob Marley CD!

Rodirgo

So today's been a pretty long day. That's right, I woke up at 11am which means I had 3 and a half more hours to live than it is usual in these vacations (yeah, I know I'm too lazy, leave me alone). Today we're planning something big, I'll let you know tomorrow if we pulled it off. But I'm going to dedicate today's entry to my friend Rodrigo (and no, the title wasn't misspelt).

We're on our way to Sambil and we see this guy--wearing his big hat and a blue squared shirt--riding his horse in the middle of the street, almost as if it were a perfectly natural thing to do. We stare for a couple of seconds in shock as this guy cooly rides by. Then Rod relases this emphasized shout "so rancho!" Indeed. I mean, if people think that it's not odd to ride horses in the middle of a busy street, the next thing we know is that people will start driving however they feel like it, getting in the way of other moving cars when they're clearly not supposed to and not using their crossing lights, "eating" the lights... oh, wait, that's already happening...

Then later on when we were in Sambil, Rod tells me that he's going to buy some popcorn (being the popcorn addict he is). So when we're approaching the popcorn stand, I ask him "so, have you eaten today?" and he says "yesterday at my house." I was startled. So he hasn't eaten for a whole day!? That's unnatural of him! It turns out that he was referring to popcorn, but at the time it seemed extremely odd, yet funny. Rod will be Rod.

Oh, by the way, I found out who the buzzing maniac is. It turns out it's a woman. She came around today, doing her buzz-my-brains-out routine. I was awake this time, so I just turned my music up. That's right, I ignored her out of spite. I hope the ranch bloke and his horse ran over her on her way out...

Slaptula

So I was at my uncles house today for a big part of the day. Can't say much went on, but I made it out alive so I'll call it a success. When I was there, though, my uncle tried to kiss his grandchild when he was leaving, which I guess is normal, and his grandson, only a couple of years old, slapped him across the face with a spatula he was holding. It was hilarious, you should've seen my uncle's reaction. I guess my cousin was thinking "hey, if you're gonna punish me then I'll punish you too."

I also got one of those huge Toblerone bars as a gift from my cousin who was returning from the United States of America, the land of the free paranoids and the land of the not-so-brave. You can't give one of those big chocolate things to people like me... when I lay my hands on that thing I'll eat all of it within minutes, and then I'll collapse with an overdose of sugar. I wonder how that would feel... perhaps I'll know later on today. Well, for now the important part is to keep it hidden from my momma.

Oh, I thought I'd let you know that I finally know where I'm staying next year. I had applied for a room with it's own bathroom, but apparently they thought I didn't deserve royal treatment... I'll bet you they all went to girls. So I got my second choice, which is good, but I guess I'll have to live with herpes.

Alcoholic Gelatin

Bored of plain old beer? Want something new? Do you want a dessert that's both full of flavour and alcohol? Try the Alco-Gelo! It might not wiggle as much as the normal kind, but it'll certainly make you wiggle after you've had it!

1.) 6oz of Vodka + 6oz of water
2.) Bring to boil
3.) Add paquete de gelatina
4.) Wait until that boils
5.) Add 6oz of vodka + 6oz of water
6.) Put in shot glass and leave to cool in fridge

Recipe by: Carla Menocal (aka Puertorican Girl)

Please send your checks for 2 USD to Ercole Volonnino.

Schimz

So nothing happening today, really. I can't make fun of nothing... well, that's not true, I do that a lot. But in this case, I can't make fun of anything, unfortunately. So instead I'm going to comment on some old things, you know, to have an entry for today.

So here are a few things I've been thinking of, to quote my friend Karo (please don't sue me):

-So how new is "new"? Or how old, in any case. I bought this tube of toothpaste the other day, and it had "new!" on the top right hand corner of the box. But, I can swear I've seen that toothpaste around for a while, at least a year or so. How do I know? Because I've been buying it for that long! That's not very new, is it? But to give them some credit, it was new when it first came out. So in any case, they should put "New! as of 05/06/05."

-So now my friends say that I look like Lionel Richie... what the hell!? So first I look like Kramer and all of a sudden I'm Lionel Richie? It's like transforming from a monkey to a swan. C'mon, guys, make up your mind.

Alike??

-So I've been emailing with this girl in Solihull for a while now, and it always seems that when it's raining over there it's sunny over here, and when it's raining over here it's sunny over there... could it be that we're at exact opposite points on Earth that everything is backwards?

-So have you noticed that so far all my paragraphs have started with "so"?

-I was with a friend the other day, driving around, and I happened to see this small blonde girl look out the window of this van to see one of those bums that do tricks at the traffic light for money. So okay, she's looking. Then all of a sudden another small blonde girl looks out to see the same bum. They were identical twin girls! I had never seen identical twin blonde girls in my life, and up until that moment I thought it was all a myth.

Anonymous Drive Through

So today not much happened, but in reality a lot happened. If you didn't understand that then good, because I didn't either and I'm writing this blog without knowing what to write. There were more than a couple events, but I think I'll keep it to the main and then make flashbacks on future posts (see, I did earn my A in English... erm).

First of all, I woke up at 7am today to watch the British Open. I haven't woken up that early since school finished (note: woken up, not been awake). So I guess I should congratulate myself on that... or kick myself for being daft enough to do it.

Okay, so a friend and I are starving, so we decide to go out and eat (no, it didn't take us forever to figure that one out). So we decide on Burger King because, well, it is the best Burgeree (so maybe I didn't deserve that A... but I deserved a better grade in French!) in the business. Once we're there, we start to park and when we look inside we notice that there are some former classmates of ours in there, the kind that we're trying to avoid. We had already parked right in front of the local, so we were viewable. Not thinking about it twice, we both start saying "drive through! drive through! drive through!" in a low but alarmed voice. My friend backed up gracefully onto the back of the line for the drivethrough. So we listened to Stairway to Heaven while waiting in line, and we waited for around 20 minutes for the line to move on and finally get our food. The way things work... as soon as we were ordering, they (my ex-classmates) left the restaurant.

That should give you a rough idea of how much we love our class (or ex-class). We actually go out of our way to avoid them... and I spent 14 years with these guys... and now that I think about it, I congratulate myself on taking so much crap for so long and not suffering from a nervous breakdown.

Duck Musicians

Today has been a pretty good day. Although I've not gone out, there's been plenty of entertainment, and I'm happy to say I was able to go to sleep at 3:30am! Congratulations to me! That's one small step closer to killing my insomnia.

Anyway, today I've experienced a lot of music. First there was the Eric Clapton Guitar Festival, which was really great, and then there was a short gig from Keane. Now, the Keane concert was labeled as "The New Kids of Rock 'N' Roll" and that really confused me. I had seen this gig previously on the guide, but I don't know why, I never bothered to check who it was (perhaps because I was either trying to get to sleep or getting drunk... erm) but when I learned it was Keane I was shocked. I'm not sure what Keane classify as, but I'll tell you, it's not rock n roll. If it ain't got a guitar, it ain't rock n roll. And a piano hardly classifies as a guitar. It's like saying that the duck is the king of the mammals. If it doesn't have nipples it's not a mammal (for the exception of monotremes)!

I also heard from my university today. I've been allocated a room! That's great, isn't it? Well, not actually... I won't find out what room it is for the next three days... isn't that convenient? That's torture, and they know it. It's like showing a hobo a bag of McDonald's and then telling him you don't have anything to give him.