Heading

So this is a very early post, considering that I haven't been out of my room yet (well, that's not true, I've been out to pee and attempt to take a crap, but we're out of toilet paper, so I've failed with the second), but I read something hilarious on the internet and I thought I'd write about that.

US immigration officials have arrested a Haitian woman after baggage screeners found a human head in her luggage at a Florida airport.

Myrlene Severe, 30, has been charged with failing to declare the head on a customs form and transporting "hazardous material".

Source: BBC News

So she didn't declare the head in her bag at customs... I wonder what would've happened if she did. "Oh, btw, I happen to have this head with me, is that alright?" How fucking retarded is that? But it's the US of A, so I'm sure they would've let it pass. "Oh, a head? Well, are you going to eat it or sell it? No? Okay, good enough, please move on to the next counter..."

What makes me wonder, though, is why anyone would travel with a head. Sure, she's into the whole Voodoo thing and all, but surely there are better ways to do thing than travelling with a head. Not only will it make your clothes smell funny, but it could also potentially stain it. If she was so desperate to have a head with her, she could've just imported it or something, making other people get in trouble, not her. If she really fancied a head then I guess she could've chopped a bum's one off, but while already in the US, that way she would avoid all the troubles. Ah, silly cow.

And about it being hazardous material, how the hell is that hazardous in any way? Unless she's planning on throwing it at people I think the "hazardous" part of it has already taken place.


Disclaimer: I know I'm being very ignorant of Voodoo beliefs and that stuff, but if I were to take it all seriously then there would be no blog entry, would there? Plus, if you're a politically correct person you shouldn't be reading this... neither if you're a sensible person.

Tea in the Sahara

So I managed to emerge from a seminar with dignity not having read the chapter I was supposed to. I managed to bullshit my way through a discussion (the girl I was with (who happens to be fit as fuck) didn't know much either, so it was all up to me) and get a "well, that's a very interesting way of puttin it." As I've always said, the key is to sound confident and to use so many analogies and crap that people just drift off and then when you're done they just say "well done" because they weren't listening to you. Ah... still got it.

I was walking back from the seminar, all happy and all, and I see this flyer saying "The Nightline needs you!" The Nightline is this telephone line that operates in the night (ha!) and counsels people... you know, stop them from committing suicide and what not. I started to imagine myself working there:

Caller: I just feel so... empty...
Me: Some food might help.
Caller: Yes... but things haven't been the same since she left me. It's like I have a hole in my soul.
Me: Don't be so dramatic. There are plenty of fish in the sea... and women too.
Caller: I will never be able to love a girl again.
Me: Love is only a chemical reaction in your brain. I'm sure some drug will help you.
Caller: It's not just that, she made me feel alive...
Me: Aja
Caller: She made me feel like I was worth something...
Me: Aja
Caller: She was the best thing in my life...
Me:...Oh, yeah, right on.
Caller: I just lost the single most important thing in my life! Now it's useless... there's no use now!
Me: And what are you going to do about it?
Caller: ... I don't know, I'm not thinking clearly...
Me: You're not thinking about suiciding yourself, hahaha, sorry, killing yourself, are you?
Caller:... I don't know, maybe... It's all so dark now, I might as well end this misery.
Me: End... yes. Well, if you want some constructive advice, the best way to get to the bridge is by taking the 68 bus, it'll get you there in no time.
Caller: ...Uhm... well... I don't know...
Me: Oh, come on... don't be a wank, just do it.
Caller: ... But...
Me: Well, I've had enough of you. Remember, bus 68. Make sure you aim right, you don't want to miss. Fuck off now, go on.

The Brown Bomber

So today I went out for the first time in a while. I haven't gone out because I can't be arsed to, but I think the real reason is the cold... yes, I'm a wimp, but I have three choices. I can go out without a coat and be confortable, go out with a coat and live, or stay in and do something in the warmth of my flat. Mind-boggling decision, innit?

Anyway, I went on the weekly (?) Rock Society pub crawl... even if it doesn't happen every week (and hasn't happened since last year). Ah, yes, good old RockSoc pub crawl, those are always the best. I usually go with Ryan, my flatmate, but this time I got a call from Steve (he who shall live with me next year) inviting me for a pint down at the pub. I tell him that I've already got plans, but he is welcome to join, seeing there should be alcohol. He agrees. Little did I know this was going to be a legendary night... not for him, though.

So well, it all goes as planned for the first couple of hours, we drink up, we talk, we fuck about... we see this very shite band play... see this aweful Sweedish-ale-drinking band play (they said the first thing they did when they got to Newcastle was drink some Newcastle Brown) and cover Paranoid (Black Sabbath for those of you who shamefully don't know) in a really shite way and then cover a Bob Marley song in an even crappier way (you can tell I wasn't too fond of them, can't you?).

Anyway, the point is that we meet some people and stuff, and we finally head to the club. There we sit around for a bit and drink and yell and whatnot. Then a beer fight breaks out and we start smashing each other's bottles, which errupt and soak the table... good fun. Then we start taking ale shots, and Steve starts taking off-the-table-with-cigarrettes shots (yep, the guys made him... he didn't know what was going on, though). I end up with my jeans soaked in ale and whatever... during all this time Steve was hitting on a girl that was with us. And he really gets into her. Only problem is that she's with her brother, who seems to be very protective of her. You should now realise that his odds are awful as fuck. Anyway, he can't break through (after hours of "working his magic") so he decides to leave before more of his pride is smashed (too late, though).

At the dancefloor it got very heated, though. Smashing against people and doing all kinds of weird shite... I managed to do the Angus roll around thing perfectly in one of my outbursts... and I got an ovation from everyone who saw (half the dancefloor). That was my highlight... for a while.

The girl that I had my eye on started hitting on Ryan... and Ryan being the good mate that he is didn't do anything. Well, more because he has a girlfriend. Very loyal bloke he is. I got to talk to her for a while outside (where I could barely hear because of my deafness and barely talk because of my receeding voice).

Back to the time when Steve leaves. We call him to see where the hell he is, and he tells us that he's left and yada yada yada. Then I get a text about five minutes after saying that he lost his wallet. We start to look for it, and after a while we conclude it's not in the club. He comes down personally to look for it himself, but no joy. So we go outside and retrace his steps to see if we can find it in the street (yep, in the freezing Newcastle, how good friends are we?) and well, after retracing his steps two times and looking in very dodgy places (including the alley where he took a piss). He gives up and we start walking home.

So not the best of nights for Steve. Lost his wallet and the girl (although I told him that he didn't lose the girl because he technically never had her... that didn't seem to make things better for some reason lol). He said he didn't have anything valuable in his wallet, just his cards which he could cancel in the morning... and his Uni card which will cost him a tenner. So well, he isn't very happy with how things are going, and Ryan tells him that at least he'll be able to have a good night's sleep in his warm bed when we get back. Sure enough. But wait, when he checks he doesn't have his keys either! He couldn't've lost his keys too, could've he? Ohh, yes.

So we let him stay at our place while his flatmate gets back, but after a while I call it a night as it's around 4 in the morning and I happen to have a lecture at 9. So well, no clue what he did, as soon as I find out I'll post. I think he spent the night elsewhere, as one of my flatmates buzzed him in while I was having breakfast... so he might've gotten lucky, who knows? Everyone knows girls like guys who are vulnerable... and punks. But yeah, not the best of nights for Steve, who lost a girl, his wallet, and his keys.

For the rest of us, though, it was a really good night. I can't feel my neck, I can't speak, there's a loud ringing in my ears, we were mightly close to passing out in the club... ah, good good night.

Stone Free

So I woke up this morning at 7. For no particular reason, really, as my earliest lecture was at 11. I had gone to bed at 8pm the day before (I'm proud of myself for making it until 8 without a 6 hour nap) so I guess it was expected for me to wake up early. Anyway, I made myself a great breakfast, seeing I had all the time in the world, and took a great shower, seeing I had all the time in the world, and worked on some work, seeing I had all the time in the world.

Anyway, the point is that not only had I all the time in the world, but my lecture was in the building right next to my flat, so I could leave 3 minutes before the lecture started and make it in time. And that's what I did. James meets up with me halfway through the minute-long trip, and we both walk and go into the Ridley building. Once we get to our lecture room, we're quite surprised because there's nobody outside, even though we got there a minute early. We look inside. There's nobody. Hmmm... something's wrong. Maybe the lecture was cancelled? I checked my email in the morning, but not right before I left...

We conclude that maybe we're in the wrong room. But we both thought it was there, and, in fact, we never told each other where we were going, we just walked right into there. Well, we decide to try another room (which is about a 10 minute walk from where we were... we made it in 4) and surely enough, we had the wrong room. Both of us. How stupid is that? We didn't miss much, though, it was that programming lecture with the lecturer who explain too much. We missed the beginning of what she was explaining, but since she explained it three more times there was no problem

Ryan and I have agreed that one of my flatmates is easily pleased. He was all happy and excited because he had just gotten this bread that was very thick. He kept on telling people (and showing them too, just to make sure they believed him) how thick his bread was and how mint it was.

My new Marketing professor is quite different from the others. She won't keep lecturing when there are people talking, even if it's only two people. Others might hint that they're annoyed or something, but she'll actually go right out and say it ("shut up!"). Oh, well, might be because shes Irish, but what do I know. Anyway, there's this guy talking, and she says "hey, you, with the stupid hat... shut up!" and everyone's shocked, not so much because she told him to shut up, but because of her reference to the hat. "You can't wear a hat like that and expect me not to point it out..." she adds after a few seconds. I look. She's right.

It's funny that the national government is making the local government of Newcastle provide free transport for the pensioners. Why? Because they're not helping financially with that, and because of that the bus company will have to cut some routes. What's funny about that, you ask again. The pensioners don't want free travel, they've repeatedly said that they're more than happy with the concessions they get. But the national government wants them to have free travel...

El Loco

So I'm really not sure what to write about in this entry. I had an idea yesterday, but I've been very busy (in my own way) and I've forgotten what that was. I'd put up an old story thing, but I lost the paper where I wrote them and I can't remember any. How great is that?

By the way, the last entry's title "Another Day At the Races" is actually a proper name. It sounded familiar to me, but I thought that was because I had said it before in my mind, but as it turns out, there's a Queen album labeled: "A Day At the Races." Not exactly the same thing, but perhaps close enough to get a lawsuit? Please don't sue me, I had no bad intentions. Plus, i love Queen.

Here are some quick facts about me recently:

-I have only drank half a bottle of vodka since I got back... I've got a full litre still waiting (shame on me!)

-My room's a complete mess. I can still find what I'm looking for, but everything's all over the place. Yet, everyone that's come in my room have told me that my room is very neat. Bloody hell!

-My Cocosette box still has some inside. I actually just noticed I had some left.

-One of my flatmates (the politics major) and one of my mates think I'm a communist.

-I haven't taken any drugs (medicine) since I got back from Christmas vacation

-I have a Bible in my room (I mean an actual Bible, not just my marketing book)

-My room's "as hot as hell" and "the hottest room they've ever been in" according to most people who've come in. I don't feel a thing... might be because I'm from a tropical country?

-I saw the best arse ever yesterday (in England)

-I've got more biscuits than actual proper food at my disposal

One last thing, I'd like to send a message to Erc. You say you should get a life because you've read more than 100 of my entries... I say I'm the one who needs a life, because I'm the one who's written more than 100 fucking entries!

Another Day at the Races

So I was sleeping at three in the morning (in one of those rare days when I actually went to sleep early) and well, everything was going fine. I wasn't quite asleep, but I was right there, all drugged up and droory (is that even a word? can't remember the one I'm thinking of) like when you're high and stuff (not that I would know...) and all of a sudden my door opens. Hmmm, who the hell could be coming in my room at that time? Oh! Perhaps it was the girl who did my other flatmate (although that hadn't happened yet, so that didn't come through my mind)! But no, it was one of my flatmates... drunk (surprise surprise!). I was actually concerned for a moment there, thinking he was gonna try and rape me and stuff, but then I noticed that he had brought a girl with him.

Right, so does he think this is his room? Well, in any case, I'm willing to share it with him if he shares the girl with me, fair deal, right? So then he says "touch Jimmy's hair, go on!" She tries not to, saying that I'm asleep and stuff, but when she sees that I'm indeed alive she does touch my hair and leaves, as confused as I am. But well, life moves on... although I didn't get to see what she looked like, I just barely noticed she was blonde (because of the bit of light coming in from the outside).

Then, the next day my flatmate doesn't remember anything, but he tells me that there's a new girl in the building. So that must be her. Yes, she's blonde, so it MUST be her. And she's fucking fit. But wait... she had touched my hair before... I do remember because she had pretty much caressed my whole face while at it (and she apologized... I told her she could do it anytime she wanted). How could I forget that. Perhaps she just wanted a second serving, what do I know. I know as much about girls as I do about waterpipes.

Anyway, a few days ago I'm taking out the trash, and this girl is coming in. I open the door for her and she thanks me... she's not bad looking, and blonde (although 90% of the girls here are blonde, so no surprise really). All of a sudden she stops and looks back at me. "Are you Jimmy?" she asks. I was gonna answer with my usual "depends who's asking and why", but seeing she looked so nice and had such a sweet voice I just went for the dull "yes, that's me".

"Hi, I'm $%^&, I touched your hair the other night?" Ahhhh... so it was her! First time I had ever seen her, but not bad. She looks like a good girl... it just makes me wonder how many new people have moved into the building since Christmas... oh, well, not that I was ever into "current events".